All the things MAGA says about us leftist teachers are true.

Seriously.

If you spend any amount of time on the internet, you will run across people on the right who are convinced those of us on the left are monsters, especially teachers. They are right. Allow me to describe my typical day to you as a teacher and a leftist. Feel free to share this with all of the MAGA and QAnon in your life. It’s time the truth was out there. I’ve had enough, and I’m blowing the whistle!

First, I wake and get cleaned up. I take my coffee black and bitter from a drip machine the way Satan intended. As I pass the doorway to my house, I kneel briefly and recite a quick prayer in Latin. (We all know Satan and other demons can’t understand you unless you pray in Latin.) Driving to work, I’m sure to listen to Satanic heavy metal at full volume. My first stop is Timmy’s house. I abduct him and throw him in the back of the car and then go to the school.

Getting to work early, it is my job as a union leader to prepare the media center for our weekly meeting. What those stupid conservatives don’t know is we do a lot more than organize labor. We have a group prayer to Satan. Each Friday before the end of work, we pick a kid to be sacrificed, usually due to poor behavior. That following Monday, I am responsible for getting little Timmy or whoever we picked strapped down to the alter and putting a gag in his mouth.

While Timmy struggles and imagines his fate, I go around the school to make sure all the litter boxes in the classrooms for our furry students are cleaned and topped off - we don’t want a mess in class. As I do this, I hang posters for all of the straight, white children, telling them they are responsible for every single problem in the world today and they should just go die.

Returning to the media center, the other teachers who think correctly like us are gathered in their robes, chanting in Latin. This week, our librarian gets to perform the ritual. Great for her, because she really hates that little shit Timmy. With his manners, and good looks and nice, well off Republican and Christian family. All the stuff we don’t need in America. Fuck Timmy. Not only that, Timmy complained about one of the books in her library, I think it was “Hustler #252.” When are these stupid conservatives going to understand that hardcore porn is freedom of speech? smh.

After we have had our prayers and bathed in Timmy’s blood, it is time for our political classes. Teachers take classes on communism so we can learn how to overthrow decent society and get rid of all the Christians running this capitalist hellscape. We also recruit interested students into our antifa collective, and make sure they get classes on how to riot, loot, and generally not protest peacefully. After they have passed those classes, we make sure they have a bank account so they can be a paid protestor. A few really dedicated kids are recruited to be mass shooters, but they have to disguise themselves as Republicans first. Once we have finished that, real school starts.

As the bell rings, I make our kids stand and recite the pledge to the communist and trans flags. Being a science teacher, I start out the day by describing climate change in great detail to the kids, and I make sure they understand humans cause it all. This includes a very vocal denouncement of the oil companies, and I encourage my students to go “Luigi” some oil CEOs. We follow that up with a lesson on the 32 genders now recognized by science, and I force kids to declare what gender they are in front of everyone. After lunch, I do 2-4 operations to change gender on kids who decided that day they want it. Kid comes to me a boy, but the end of the day I’ve made him a satanist, communist trans female. No parental permission needed. BAM!

Our science fair this last year was fun. Instead of individual projects, we raised some money in the community and for a few thousand our school built Jewish Space Lasers and satellites that can make and control hurricanes. We managed to sneak them onto a Space X flight and get them into orbit, but somehow MGT found out about them.

After work, I usually can’t stay for the adrenochrome party with the remains of Timmy. Nope, I have to go downtown to riot each night. After all, I can’t let Portland get burned to the ground every single night and not represent, right? So at least four nights a week, us communist, satanic antifa go burn down this historic square with the gazebo and all that. Sometimes we burn down the bars and restaurants too. Now that all of the Hispanic construction workers are deported, they can’t rebuild it each night either. Downtown Ocala is a smoking, ruined crater now.

At the end of each week, a fat check signed by George Soros shows up in my mailbox. I make so much money protesting that I really don’t need to work, but I enjoy making kids from strongly Christian families into Satanic trans-gender furry antifa communists.

Life is pretty good. Please donate so I can buy some surgical supplies. We have a huge incoming sixth grade class this year, and I want to make at least half of them trans.

On a more serious note, some people actually believe everything here.

The only true thing I wrote was about climate change - humans do cause it and I do teach it. That’s it. Yet I have had grown adults that I know in person, not just someone “on the internet” tell me that almost everything else I have written is true. Teachers do gender surgery. Space lasers. Litter boxes. Antifa riots. Satanic clubs. All of it - I’ve had people legitimately think that some or all of that is true. I even had a fellow teacher tell me about the litter box thing! He swore up and down that “the libs” in California were letting kids use a litter box in class while dressed as a furry. It doesn’t help that the demented fascist in the White House is saying some of this shit - his cultists would believe him if he said the sky was green.

I don’t even know where to begin with something like that. When someone is that far gone, where do you start? Can you even bring them back to reality? I am a teacher, not a doctor, but I think once you get that far gone you are mentally ill, and no amount of evidence or conversation is going to bring you back.

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug. These people are so defensive that when you tell them they are wrong or try to show them evidence they are wrong, the cognitive dissonance tells them they are being personally attacked. So they shut down or react with anger. All of the media they consume is either outright lying or dangerously downplaying all of Trump’s insanity. There are even Trump supporters that know he is full of shit, they know he lies, and they still don’t care! They would rather “own the libs” than vote for the good of the country.

I hate this kind of talk, I really do, but I’m going to say something: Not all Americans are American. I realize that kind of dehumanizing talk is exactly what they do to us, but I still feel it: A solid 1/3rd of this country are traitorous fucks. The vast majority of people who call themselves Republican today are in fact fascists.

I said what I said.

Y’all be good. Be kind. Look out for the victims of the fascists.

#22ADay #Slava Ukraini! Heróyam sláva!